There is one simple way to increase the quality of your relationships with others and with yourself. You might want to check it out. If you do it and you do it well, this might radically improve the quality of your life.
A little while ago, I started paying attention to the language people around me use in their daily lives. I mean really paying attention… I was so on it that I even surprised myself spotting some of the phrases I used to think and voice out loud to others. And what I noticed was nothing short of nerve-racking.
So much harm comes from the words we use! Disappointment, resentment, anger, jealousy, arguments, break-ups; all of these often stem from poorly designed sentences and excessively loaded words that bear dramatic consequences… Deadly words.
When you start paying attention to and noticing how many times a message could have been communicated clearly, yet with a much more peaceful outcome for everyone involved, you can’t take your mind off it. People masochistically love drama, and they don’t realise the harm they cause themselves (and others…) by doing so.
“She stabbed me in the back”, “He’s useless”, “She’s a witch”, “He’s a nightmare”, “He can never get it right”, “She’s SO spoiled”, “He’s always so selfish”… Nothing really unfamiliar here, sadly. There is a good chance you will have used some of the above in the past, or similar expressions.
You may even think that in your case, it was justified, of course… For sure I know that you know people around you, perhaps very close to you, who you know use these regularly. And so many other words, not even as striking and recognisable as those above, populate our everyday language, tainting it with excesses, emotional charges and eventually loss of all reason…
What is the quality of our everyday experience when so many of our thoughts are so radical and out of all reasonable measure? Sometimes words go so far that they would be almost comical, if they did not result in screams and tears.
Here’s what I deeply wish for all of us: that we finally dropped some of these deadly words. Many ready-made and language patterns we use lead to frustration and painful falling outs that simple, more sensible language could have avoided.
Let’s start communicating with more measure, more “temperance” in the philosophical sense. Let’s start conveying the message we MEAN to say, without the emotional nonsense we too often attach to it. Let’s stop being dramatic about our feelings! They are feelings, some are pleasant, others not. There is no need to exaggerate them and purposefully transform ourselves into a Greek tragedy hero. What is that?! What’s going on here? Why do we do this? Is our need for significance so desperate?
By the way, this isn’t just me ranting about language. I recently came across this example which illustrates how the language we use unconsciously impacts on the quality of our life.
Certain words you use can literally drag you down and limit your success. Some can destroy your relationships. Most impact your happiness; and they all determine the quality of your everyday experience.
So pay attention to and start choosing carefully the language you use. It might just transform your life.
Comments